ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
