when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
