i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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