dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
