So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
