he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
