I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
