We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
