One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
