it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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