shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
