I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
