Three words: puerto rican gang bang
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
