Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
