i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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