We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
