We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
