i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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