That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
