this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
