fuck your aforementioned shoe
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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