I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
