Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
