Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
