I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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