Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
