so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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