We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
