I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
