I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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