her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
