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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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