Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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