We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
