Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
