What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
