I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My ass is underappreciated
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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