I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
