Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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