He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
