at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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