JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
