dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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