She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
