so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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