I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
