god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
