I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
