Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
