I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
