I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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