Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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