There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize