Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
