it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
