Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
that is very illegal...i love you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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