You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
