I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
