I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
