The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
