by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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