I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
