That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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